The Holy Grail"And he took the cup, and gave thanks, and gave it to them, saying, 'Drink ye all of it; for this is my blood, which is shed for many for the forgiveness of sins.'"
This page reveals that over the last two thousand years or so Christianity has developed some serious misconceptions about what that sentence means. It's understandable. I mean, they were so busy first killing then converting non-believers that one can easily see how something as minor as the basic philosophy underlying the religion slipped through the cracks. I'm here to set shit right.
The Holy Grail is really a keg full of Colt 45 malt liquor. If one were to drink deeply from this vessel, one would certainly believe all sins to have been forgiven.
|To dream the impossible dream...|
Despite this picture, Colt 45 in a keg is not easy to find. But like the holy grail or the arc of the covenant, scientists and scholars have been able to track the elusive keg of Colt 45 and are close to capturing one alive.
The scientists and scholars of whom I speak are none other than our man on the street, Chick-Nj. Now, Chick-Nj is not one to be daunted by a near impossible task. He grabbed the bull by the horns and demanded that Pabst, Inc. tell him where he could score some Colt 45 draft. Their response, from a heartless unbeliever, is posted here:
I'M SORRY, BUT COLT 45 DRAFT IS NOT AVAILABLE IN OHIO.
THE CLOSEST IS PHILADELPHIA, PA. THERE IS A PABST DIST. THERE CALLED
Dismayed by their callous indifference to our plight, Chick-Nj responded. Surely this must be a clerical error. I've attempted to re-create his second inquiry, drawing on what all our emotions must be in discovering we're an 11 hour drive from the nearest keg of Colt 45:
Bitch! You best be shittin' me! You tellin' me I got to drive eleven motherfuckin' hours for a keg of malt liquor? I'll put my boot so far up your ass people'll think I got a white woman prosthetic leg! You best be reconsidering that shit.
Although that bears no semblance to Chick-Njs actual reply, they did indeed reconsider, and their answer was:
NO, I'M SORRY, THE ONLY OTHER STATE LISTED (FOR KEGS) IS MARYLAND. THANKS
Follow my man Chick-Nj's lead. Contact Andrea Salinas with Pabst at firstname.lastname@example.org and demand some muhfuckin justice! (To get fast results, I suggest everyone put "I demand muhfuckin justice" in the subject line of their email)
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