The Advertising Blitz
I have no doubt that most of you know that Colt 45 truly sells itself. However, as difficult as this may be to believe, there are people out there who have not yet heard Billy Dee's siren song of this premium malt liquor. I am here to spread the word as an Apostle of Colt 45. More reliable than a miracle and just as available as religion, salvation lies within, just as Jam Master Jay and Reverend Run discovered. Without further ado, I present: propaganda.
The Print Ad
This one should show up in magazines across the nation any time now, assuming someone from Colt 45 actually spots this, thinks its a good idea (which it quite clearly is) and shells out some bills. I figure sales would triple within about 35 minutes of publication.
An instant classic.
The Television Campaign
While most homeless people do not watch television, this is not a major setback for this campaign, because the majority of them already drink Colt 45. We're trying to reach a broader market here. I have, at long last, finished the storyboard for the first commercial.
I first conceived this commercial when a bunch of friends and I were driving away from a liquor store with our newly purchased forties resting snugly between our thighs (as phallic as that may sound). As we pulled out of the parking lot, some jackass came barreling the wrong way down a one way street and almost killed us. "That was close," I said. "That guy almost broke my forty." The rest is history. That one concept eventually led to this whole web site. Now it's time to give the original idea its place in the pantheon...
|A tense courtroom drama unfolds and the defendant's attorney tries to crack the plaintiff on cross...|
|The plaintiff tells his side...||
The defense is incredulous of the value...
|Lady Justice, be not blind.|
Rest assured, other commercials exist in concept. Also rest assured that they will prominently feature Billy Dee Williams. I just haven't gotten around to finishing them yet.
The Radio Campaign
I'm doubtful that anyone actually listens to radio any more, but I found some interesting sound clips to throw in here. If anyone has any other sound files selling Colt 45, particularly of my man Billy Dee, you'd make me the happiest man alive if you'd hook me up.
The first is a tidbit of an old school Colt 45 commercial, before their marketing went, um, shall we say, in its current direction.
The next reflects a little more accurately the modern trend.
That Rarest of Birds
What would make a party or a barbecue more jumpin' than a keg full of Colt 45? Nothing. Don't even waste my time trying to come up with a witty answer. Nothing would and there's no power that will convince me otherwise. It takes some serious dedication to get one, but it can be done.
[Talk To Me And Talk Sense!] [The Colt .45 Experience] [The Mr. T Action Center] [The Frank and Telly Show]